Traumatize Me

You all read about when I drove home with Jackson on Monday, well this is the rest of the story. When we got home Lyle was just getting up and making his coffee. I started to feed Jackson some breakfast and Lyle started loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher. Suddenly Lyle starts yelling and I run into the kitchen to see what he is yelling about. There is a mouse in the dishwasher. That's right, a mouse in the dishwasher. Lyle said it was running across the counter and fell into the open dishwasher. I am choosing not to believe this since it would mean that a mouse can get up on my counter. I am also choosing not to believe that it could crawl up into the dishwasher through the pipes since that means that I could find a mouse any time I open the dishwasher. While we are at it I am going to choose not to believe that there was a mouse in my dishwasher. Except that I saw it, damn! So Lyle closed the dishwasher and tried to figure out what to do. I chose to scoop up the Jackson and head upstairs to play. Yay, upstairs. Where mice fear to tread (so far). Lyle tried to set the trap in the dishwasher but the damn thing jumped out and was gone. He set the trap under the shelf where he ran and he was caught about an hour later. Jackson and I played upstairs for the whole morning.

But wait, that was not traumatizing enough for one day; there is more.

I, as you know, was exhausted after getting up at 4am and not sleeping in the car on the way home like some little boys I know. So I put Jackson down for his nap (still in him jammies) at noon and I went into my room to lay down. He was playing and singing and generally not sleeping, but I was able to doze a little bit. At 1pm I heard him scream so I went to see why he was screaming (you would think that I would have learned not to do this after this morning). The first thing I see is that he has unzipped his jammies, gotten his feet out, and his diaper off. So he is a little half-naked baby standing in the crib screaming. The next thing I notice is that he is saying "dirty, mommy, dirty" in his screaming. That is when I saw it. The item of my next trauma. Jackson is standing, half-naked in his crib holding a giant piece of poop. Luckily, he is not happy about this as I have heard other children can be thinking it is a toy. He is pissed and he wants it gone. I think I got in there just before he was ready to chuck it overboard onto the carpet. I grabbed a diaper and got the offending item away from him, pulled him out of the crib, and started to clean him off on the changing table. I decided it was worth a bath and threw him in the tub. He had quieted down and he was the most cooperative child you can imagine. After I got him cleaned up and I shut the water off he said "I wan water." But when I said "no" he did not get upset he just played with the water he had. I quickly got his original diaper (without any poop on it by the way) out of the crib, changed his poopy sheet, examined his stuffed animals, and pulled the poopy crib guard down from the side of the crib that he was holding while screaming. When I went to get him out of the tub he did not protest. When I put him into a clean diaper he did not protest (clean, mommy, clean). I put him into some sweat pants and a t-shirt and put him back in the crib where he fell asleep within five minutes. I was a little too traumatized to go right back to sleep, so I did more laundry and called Lyle to relay this lovely little trauma. I was able to finally to sleep and we both napped for a couple of hours, like nothing had ever happened.

I would like to order a few trauma free days (weeks, months) please.

Oh, John

Remember the Pocahantas book that one of the kids had. When you hit the Pocahantas button we swore she sighed heavy "Oh, John."

Well, if you look at the video clip attached to this story I think someone did this one on purpose. http://www.local6.com/news/5784303/detail.html

My Mom

Check out my pretty mommy. We found this while moving and mom made me bring it home. She said a boyfriend of hers had it done for her when she was 19.