Rain Delay

So this weekend, even though I could not possibly care less about baseball, I saw the end of two games in the World Series. For those of you that do follow such thing you may then know that I was up until 2am on Saturday night because the game was "rain delayed" and until almost midnight Sunday night. Part of this was a cough I have been battling for a few days which comes out worse at night.

Part of it was lying awake remembering that one year ago we were getting mom ready for the surgery that was going to change her life. We all woke up way earlier than we needed to because, well, that is just the way we are programmed. By 6am we were all sitting by the door just ready to get the day started. As you may recall it was a looooong day, but it ended with us all being hopeful for a painfree future (at least for mom). How I wish we could go back and call a "rain delay" for a few years or have mom actually chicken out (I really thought she might). But we did what we thought was best and here we are.

I am having a very hard time thinking about Christmas. I don't want to have to figure out where it would be best to be. I don't want to have to think about celebrating without mom. I don't want to think. Period. I will do everything in my power to make sure Jackson has a wonderful Christmas, but I can't think beyond that.